Try Online Counseling: Get Personally Matched<\/a><\/p>\nProbably more often than not, however, others don\u2019t notice \u2014 and, in fact, we might not even notice ourselves. Sure, we might get a sense of distance from those who matter to us, but we chalk it up to being busy. Or we reminisce about times when we somehow felt closer to others, but without necessarily being able to put our finger on the sense that we no longer feel as known by them. Instead, we may just wind up feeling that little bit more distant, that little bit more alone, that little bit less settled.<\/p>\n
This can happen to anyone, even to those who would ordinarily be talented at making themselves known.<\/p>\n
When it does, I believe it\u2019s essential to remind ourselves that who we are matters<\/em> \u2014 over and above the things we do now or the things we did in the past. It matters to ourselves, it matters to those closest to us, and it will matter to those left behind after we die. In a sense, it matters even to the rest of the social fabric around us: by being an example of a person who is<\/em>, a person who is known for who they are, we make a fundamental statement about personhood and the value of the person.<\/p>\nThis is not in any way to take away from the value or importance of actions; rather, it is to attribute something extra to the underlying person. A collection of events or achievements from a life doesn\u2019t begin to tell who we are until it is woven together with some kind of narrative, some story of what those events meant to us, the role they played in our lives and in our development. That narrative, as a reflection of who we are, is a central way of being known in our relationships and of offering ourselves to others.<\/p>\n
It is also the primary means by which our loved ones will carry on a relationship with us long after we have died, far more so than any traditional \u2018legacy\u2019 of money or possessions or even the most well-heeled foundation.<\/p>\n